A New Beginning
by SPNxBookworm
Summary: This is a follow up to RainbowBetty's "Closure". Sam wrote a letter to Dean when he was in Purgatory. Dean finds it after he is back up and the story unfolds. Featuring a little bit of Drunk!Sam and classic BigBrother!Dean ;) Enjoy. I would advise checking out Betty's "Closure" for a more better understanding of the story. (Collab with RainbowBetty)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This has to be the most challenging fic for me till date. I had millions of ideas roaming in my head. RainbowBetty, I loved "Closure" and I'm glad you gave me permission to write a follow up! I just had to figure out how Dean would react. Hopefully, this is something you pictured. To everyone else who hasn't read "Closure", I would advise reading it before you start on this as it might help you understand better. **

**The letter is written by RainbowBetty in Sam's P.O.V. in "Closure". I needed to use the letter to make this story seem more sensible. Halfway through, when Dean is reading the letter, its all in Dean's P.O.V. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Sam is rarely ever drunk. But ever since Dean has come back, its been more of a regular thing when the boys are not hunting. Dean felt annoyed at Sam, but more than the annoyance was concern. Sam was usually snapping at Dean to reduce his alcoholic needs but right now, its like they switched roles.

Dean was on the bed in their motel room, trying to catch up with what had happened the year he was in Purgatory. Sam had completely abandoned looking for him; he had quit hunting. The run-away-from-hunting maybe Dean understood as he knew Sam never wanted this life. But to not look for him, to not even _try_? This pained Dean even more. What was worse, Dean learned of someone named –Amanda?- no wait, -Amelia- that's right. Sam had left him for a girl. A freakin' girl! How could Sammy do that?

True, the guy had no idea where Dean was. But the thought that Sam didn't even try overrode Dean's sense of judgment. Dean was staring absently at the laptop screen, frozen on the page of a newspaper article. Dean had been hunting non-stop ever since he had managed to get out. Being in purgatory made him realize how important hunting suddenly had become to him. Then again, hunting was a distraction from Sam's supposed betrayal.

Dean was scrolling down over the article, engrossed in research when suddenly –

"DDDEEEAAAANNNNN." yelled Sam.

Dean jumped out of his skin, nearly sending the laptop crashing to the floor. He managed to save himself and the laptop from tumbling and looked at Sam. The kid was drunk. _Again._

"Sam. Hey. You drunk again?"

"May-be." said Sam in a sing song voice.

"Alright Sasquatch. Let's get you in bed."

Dean helped navigate Sam towards the bed. Sam was really out of it. Dean worried how much the kid had drunk this time. Sam was mumbling to himself, not making any sense.

"…all those months….tired of it…..amelia…..Riot…..DEAN!"

"Yeah, buddy I'm right here. Whoa Sam. Come on. Make it till the bed then loose your legs will ya?!" Dean was startled yet again by Sam suddenly yelling his name. But this time he sensed an urgency to it. And the next second, Sam was passing out on Dean.

With a huge amount of huffing and puffing and dragging, Sam was snoring soundly on the bed. Dean removed Sam's boots, and somehow managed to navigate Sam's mile long hands out of his jacket. Just as he was pulling the blanket over Sam, he noticed a note lying on the floor next to the jacket. It must have fallen out. Dean made to put it back when he saw his own name scribbled across the folded piece of paper.

_What Sam doesn't know won't hurt him. _Thought Dean. The curiosity was too much. He carried the paper back to his own bed. He sat down and opened it.

* * *

_Dean._

_God, I miss you. Do you even have any idea? I don't know to do this without you._

Sammy?

_All those times I was stupid enough to think I could run away from our life because I didn't need you, or Dad, or anyone, I still knew you were there. You had my back when I didn't deserve it. Thanks to you, I grew up not having to face what it meant to be alone._

No Sam. You weren't stupid to think you wanted a different life. Of, course I was there. I've always been there haven't I? You always deserved it you idiot. We always look out for each other. Oh Sam.

_And after you died, I did nothing but screw up because I couldn't handle it. And I know how weak that makes me, I do. And yeah, I know you've told me it doesn't matter._

_I wish to God you were here now to pick a fight over it._

Screw up? What are you talking- No Sam! You're not weak. It doesn't matt-

I somehow find myself smiling a little as I see that Sam can predict my reactions just as well as I can his. Oh Sam. You thought I was dead?

_But I wouldn't, Dean. I take it back. I take it all back, every wrong move, every stupid mistake, every single thing I did that led up to this. If I could think of a way to change it, I would. I've sat here for days, literally, replaying those last moments in my head, trying to figure out any I could have made it end differently. And you know what? As near as I can figure, there are at least ten thousand different variables in any given moment. I'm making myself crazy. Literally crazy._

Damn it Sam! I didn't know you thought of it like this. Wow. Crazy is certainly starting to be a regular thing with you.

_And damn it, now I'm laughing and crying at the same time because I can see the look you'd be giving me, and the smart-ass comments about crazy really starting to be a thing with me, and Dean it's like you're not even gone._

_It's like, I wake up in the middle of the night and I still listen for the sound of you breathing in the bed by the door. I catch myself feeling bad about how much hot water I'm using._

Sammy….shit. I'm so sorry…

_Honestly? I've thought about not waking up. And then I think about how hard you fought to keep me here. So no, I can't do that to you._

_I just miss you so damn much._

_And I'm sorry. So damn sorry for everything._

_Sam_

Not waking up?! Are you fucking kidding me!? What? Of, course I fought for you. I always have. Oh thank God. I swear I would have pummeled you if I found out you…died...

I missed you too Sam. No. You don't have to be sorry.

I come to the end of the page, and I flip it over. There is more….and it's a bit rough. Tears….dried tears. Oh Sam.

_I always thought I knew myself, you know? Who I was, what I was going to be. I sure as shit wasn't going to have the life you and Dad had. I knew what I wanted._

_The funny thing is Dean, the older I got, the more we went through, the easier it was to see what I really wanted. And it wasn't what I thought. I just wanted something I could count on. Believe in. Trust that it would be the same as when I woke up every morning. That thing was you._

_Of all the things I thought I wanted to be, all I really needed, all this time, was just to be your brother._

Shit Sam. So Amelia wasn't just a girl. She was the next thing you believed in. The next thing you counted on. How could I have been such a bitch?! I get it Sam. I too just need you. Need to be your big brother. And take care of my pain-in-the-ass little brother right?

_I know you'd kick my ass if I said any of this to your face. But fuck it._

_I love you, Dean._

Damn right. I definitely would have kicked your ass. But fuck it. I love you too Sam.

* * *

Dean slowly lowered the letter. Guilt, horror, shame, pride, affection, love, all came crashing down on him. Finally he understood. Sam thought he was dead. Sam thought he was in heaven. And by the way Sam's big brain works, Dean pretty much figured out that Sam thought that Dean was finally at peace. Tears began to flow freely from Dean's hazel green eyes and he made no effort to stop them.

He stared at his brother's peaceful, snoring form and felt relief. Felt protectiveness. Sam had considered suicide. But he was here now. He were broken. They both were. But all broken things can be fixed. All wounds can be healed if not completely made invisible. Scars would be left, but they would be healed.

Dean lay down on his bed. He tucked the letter under his pillow. He stared at Sam and slowly, the hypnotic snores of Sam made Dean fall into oblivion. Just as he was about to go under, he promised himself to give Sam a big hug and beatdown in the morning.

The hug for knowing how Sam felt and hopefully conveying a lot of unspoken truths. Also, Sam may not have said all this to his face, but he was going to get his ass kicked anyway, the little bitch.

* * *

**Hope you all liked it! This was very tough to write. The credit for Sam's letter goes a 100% to RainbowBetty. I really advise checking out her "Closure" fiction and the rest. She is an amazing writer! And Betty, I hope this was good enough for you! If you find any sort of thing that maybe does not fit, do not hesitate and let me know immediately! :D**

**Please leave reviews guys! You all make my day!**

**UPDATE : I'm getting crazy messages from you guys for a sequel to this story. I'm thinking of adding an epilogue just for you guys! :D Me and Betty discussed some ideas, and I'm going to go with hers. It was better than my suggestion. I'll have it up soon. :D Look out for it. **


	2. Epilogue

**A/N : Hey everyone! Love you all! I got tons of requests to do a sequel to the 1st**

**chapter. So, here it is. Thanks to RainbowBetty for beta'ing it. :)**

**This story would not have existed for quite a long time, if she hadn't written**

"**Closure". So I only thought it fair that we both work on this chapter. :D**

**A/N : I had to add this! RainbowBetty, you did an amazing job with the beta. :D I loved the changes you made. Also, you're version of Dean closing the curtain, till Sam comes out the bathroom was beautiful. I thought it fit in better than my version. So I used it! Thanks so much for the additional support! :D You are an amazing writer! **

**So, guys. Here is the long awaited epilogue. :) We both worked on this. And I think it turned out amazing! :) Enjoy!**

**I WOULD LIKE TO MENTION THAT JARED AND MISHA TWEETED THAT SUPERNATURAL IS OFFICIALLY COMING BACK FOR SEASON 9. I'M FLIPPING OUT AND SO IS BETTY! CAN'T WAIT! :)**

* * *

Sam turned over, shielding himself from the sunlight pouring through the window. His head was pounding. He knew he wasn't that great a drinker, but ever since Dean had let out everything in his head after the Specter case, he somehow couldn't stop blaming himself. He had his reasons for quitting. Just like Dean had his reasons for Benny. He knew they would have to solve this soon, but a large part of him would rather just hide behind a bottle.

He made a motion to get out of bed, but the next second, he was groaning in pain, his head searing and the room spinning out of control.

Dean sat on the other bed, fully awake, still holding the letter. He had hardly slept the night. He was berating himself for being such an ass to Sam. And the run-in with the vengeance-crazy specter didn't help matters much. He could imagine Sam writing every word, maybe a bottle in hand. Dean slipped the letter back under his pillow and covered his face with his hands, trying to compose himself. Sam could not see him like this. He saw Sam turn away from the morning light coming at his face. Dean followed the light and saw the curtain partially open. He'd have to fix that. Sammy could use all the sleep he could get. Being on the receiving end of a hangover numerous times, he knew it wasn't a pleasant experience.

Dean walked over to the window and reached up to pull the curtain closed, then winced when the fastenings squealed loudly against the curtain rod. Behind him, Sam moaned and rolled his face down into his pillow, clutching the soft fabric to block out the light. Dean immediately abandoned the curtain and sank down on the mattress beside his brother.

"Aw, shit. Sam? Did I wake you up? You all right?"

Sam squinted, looking up at Dean in confusion and blinking through the hangover.

"Yeah. Fine. What's wrong?"

Dean stole a glance at the letter, the edge of it still visible underneath his pillow. "N-nothing. I just… You messed yourself up pretty good there last night, huh?"

"I guess." Sam rolled over and made a move to sit up, pushing the blanket off with a trembling hand.

"Ugh. Damn. My head."

"I'll get you some Tylenol."

Sam looked at him. "I'm not an invalid, Dean."

"Let me get it." Dean stood up, setting a firm hand on Sam's shoulder.

"What the hell, man? What's with you?" Confused and slightly annoyed, Sam shrugged Dean's hand off and stood up, swaying slightly, and shoved past Dean on his way to the bathroom.

Dean followed, biting the inside of his lip, trying to find the words to let Sam know that he was _here_. That he regretted so much of the distance that had grown between them, for however much of that was his fault, and that he'd never wanted Sam to feel as alone as he'd felt when he'd written the words he'd seen on that piece of paper.

Sam rummaged in their duffle for the little white-and-red bottle and fumbled unsuccessfully with the childproof cap. Dean wordlessly took it from him and easily untwisted it, shaking out two pills as Sam leaned back miserably against the wall.

Sam moaned. A pained expression crossed his face. "I'm gonna…" He lurched for the handle of the bathroom door and closed it behind him, and Dean could hear the unmistakable sounds of his brother retching.

A good twenty minutes passed. Dean hesitated outside the door. He knocked tentatively. "Sammy? You all right in there?"

Sam moaned through the door. "Lea'me alone, Dean, 'm fine."

_Yeah, right. _He was just about to barge in when Sam opened the door and nearly walked into him.

"Whoa," they both exclaimed.

"Sorry," said Sam and Dean at once.

"Here, take these." Dean shook the pills in his hand and held them out to Sam. "Trust me, they help."

Sam eyed Dean suspiciously. Why was he all mother-henning over him now? He hadn't even bothered to look at him straight for the past few weeks.

"Um, thanks." Sam quickly gulped down the pills. He made his way to the small coffee table at the centre of the room to put down the glass and sensed Dean behind him. Hovering. Again. Yeesh, what's wrong with you Dean? Thought Sam, annoyed. He turned around, and was about to tell Dean to give him some space when he froze. The letter. He could see the yellow paper sticking out from under Dean's pillow. Anger, hurt, panic rose in his chest.

Dean was hovering. He knew he was hovering. But seeing Sam in this state activated all his alarms. He could sense Sam was annoyed and his thought was confirmed when Sam turned around apparently to bitch at him. What Dean did not expect was finding himself flung to the ground, his jaw hurting like hell. Sam had turned around, and punched Dean.

Without thinking, he spun around and landed a solid punch. It flung Dean to the ground, and he automatically brought a hand up to feel his jaw, now hurting like hell.

"Dude? What the hell?" he exclaimed. He scrambled to his feet and seized his brother by the shoulders.

Sam lunged at Dean again, but he ducked out from under him and instinctively struck back with a punch of his own, sending Sam staggering a few feet away. Sam quickly turned around.

"How could you!?" yelled Sam, managing to land a punch against Dean's temple.

Dean backed away. The blows he had taken from Sam were making his vision swim.

"How could I _what_? Why the hell are you hitting me?"

Sam let out a bull like roar and charged at Dean, sending them both to the ground. Sam tried to land every punch, Dean managing to block most of them. Dean managed to maneuver himself on top of Sam, trying to get Sam to stop hitting him.

"Sam! Sam! Stop!"

"You-"

"Dude, arrghh….shit, cut it out man!"

Finally Dean managed to catch hold of Sam's hands and held them against each other in a vice like grip.

"Sam! Can I please know what the fuck I did wrong?"

"What you did wrong?" asked Sam. Giving out a pained laugh.

"Dean, why were you so concerned all of a sudden? Why were you hovering? You read the letter. That's what's wrong."

What?! How did Sam know? Dean glanced back at his bed and felt his heart stutter. The letter was peeking out from under the pillow.

Sam used Dean's momentary distraction to get him off of him. Dean fell against the side of his bed.

"Sammy-"

"How did you find it?"

Dean remained silent.

"HOW DID YOU FIND IT?" yelled Sam.

Feeling cornered, Dean yelled back, "Why do you care? All I know is you have been hiding stuff from me all the time."

"Yeah, like you don't, Dean? Benny. I told you from the get-go where I was coming from. You had secrets. You've always had secrets."

"Fine, I've had secrets! But I never once stopped thinking about you. Never once did I stop worrying about you. Purgatory's not a walk in the park, you know?"

"And how the hell is that relevant?"

"YOU QUIT ON ME! YOU FUCKING QUIT ALRIGHT?"

Sam felt like he'd been stabbed. Dean still thought that.

"I tried, alright? I-I'm sorry."

Dean was fuming. But seeing Sam's pained expression, he suddenly lost all his anger.

"Dean, I…it's been…crap alright? It's been crap without you. And don't you for a second think that I forgot about you. I thought about you every day. You were…to me you were everything, and always will be, alright? I didn't know you had gone to purgatory. For all I know, you were-"

"Dead," finished Dean.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you try and tell me, Sam?"

"I didn't know how."

"You needed someone. You've always needed someone. When you left for Stanford, you needed Jess. When I came to get you, you needed me. When I went to hell, you needed Ruby. When I went to purgatory, you needed Amelia."

"I get you Sam. I do. I've always been trying so hard to protect you. I never once thought what it would be like when you didn't have someone to do that. I never once thought how you would….shit, Sam. You're not the one who should be sorry."

"Dean, stop."

"Sam-"

"It's not all your fault. I should have looked for you. I know. But this job, this life did nothing more than kill everyone we know. I couldn't bear to look for you and fail, Dean. It would have…" Sam didn't finish. He didn't need to. Dean understood.

Dean suddenly pulled Sam into a hug. Finally letting go, they looked at each other with understanding. Finally understanding the whole mess. Finally able to let go of the resentment.

"Truce?" asked Dean, holding out his hand.

"Yeah truce," smiled Sam. He put his hand in Dean's and the next second he was flung to the ground. Lying on his back, he looked at Dean in bewilderment.

"Moment over, Sammy," he said with a glint in his eye. "You were right, you knew I was gonna kick your ass for saying all that crap to me anyway. Consider your ass kicked."

"Consider _your_ ass kicked. Jerk."

"Oh, don't you even…" Dean said in a mock-threatening tone. "Bitch."

Sam burst out laughing and Dean couldn't help but join in.

* * *

**Please review! It would mean a lot to me and Betty! :D Hope you all liked this! Once again, Betty you did an amazing job with "Closure." I'm ecstatic that you really enjoyed my follow up! Thanks for helping me out with this epilogue. I only thought it fair for us both to have a hand in it. You know….see it to the end together. I'm kind of sad this story is over. I loved doing this! Love you all guys! RainbowBetty, You're awesome too. ;) Without you, this would never have been born. **

**B/N (Um… "Beta's Note"? Is that a thing? It is now!)** **Hi guys, it's RainbowBetty! :-)**

**I just wanted to say thanks for reading, reviewing, favoriting and following this story and for hopping back over to read "Closure"… and most of all to SPNxBookworm for being awesome and having the inspiration and idea to continue it and give it the much-needed follow-up brotherly moments that should have come after! You are all the best. Please give a review… it's like a present and costs nothing! :-)**


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